#8th Place: Luke

Yahoo Career Ratings:

Player Profile:

• None

Luke is that guy in every fantasy league who no one really knows but has been there so long he has grandfathered rights. He barely ever speaks up in any league trash talk thread and has garnered the name “Silent Luke” because of it. Well, Luke is silent no more as he has loudly echoed the sounds of a double-doink type effort this year landing him at 3 – 6.

#9th Place: Berry

Yahoo Career Ratings:

Player Profile:

• Listens to goth rock like Good Charlotte
• One of those CrossFit guys who wears shorts shorter than daisy dukes to take the attention away from his bicep size insecurity
• Was in the Army stationed abroad for many years causing him to draft his team in the middle of the night without doing any research
• Now he’s back in the states which has allowed him to research and really personalize his strategy which – as you can see above – has resulted in a hard crash of his player ratings

Berry is a total has-been in this league. He won it once and used to be decent, but now that he has the time to put some effort into his decisions, we are starting to see that he probably should have been held back a few grades in school. It’s sad to see him go full Nick Nolte on us with his embarrassing outlashings from being so bad. Just look at this completely in-context stream of messages he sent my way:

No one. Absolutely no one:

Berry:

Berry is correct in that he has the highest points against in the league up to this point (1,017.53). Boo hoo-hoo. Gee Berry, maybe you’d have a bicep to lean on if your sorry ass 9th place team wasn’t coincidentally also 9th in points scored. Funny how you actually have to score points to win in this game and the amount you score is a fair proxy of your standings. You haven’t been relevant since the Chicago Cubs won the World Series and your future looks to be just as much in shambles.